Ok, fine let’s do this. I’m still adjusting to her new hair cut, and I’m still seeking the strength to forgive Robyn for this tragedy, but if it really is time to have THA TAWK, then it’s time.
When i was 12 years old, when I was struggling to understand that girls were indeed, not icky, you kicked my heart’s door in and demanded that I show you love. You said you needed me. You said I was the one. And your willingness to just come out and say that to me was just another testament to how wonderful of a woman you are. I’m only now beginning to appreciate how much courage that took. And then you asked me if I could “do you right”. “Um,…I think? I really just learned how to give hickies the other day though…so it might be a little sloppy. Sorry. Bout. That”.” I struggled to become that man you wanted, I scrimped and scratched the money together for a plane ticket to Sweden. But then you did the worst thing you possibly could to a young impressionable boy. You disappeared. For 12 years, you disappeared. I was lost, injured, frightened at first. I found the Spice Girls, and that was ok for a bit.
Now, beard on chin, I am a man. And I had moved on: nearly forgotten about what we had. Then you moved back into town. And for the last four years, I’ve tried to ignore you. I WAS MAD . Still am a little. Things change over time, they can’t ever be the same. We’re both different people than we used to be. You’ve gotten into massive hooky Dance and Synth-Pop tunes, and I’ve had my tonsils removed. AND SHURRRE, I’m human! I felt something! I felt pangs when you tried to reconnect, and when you tried to invite me out with your mates. And that one time you bared more than the appropriate amount of skin ALLmost got me, my fingers ALLLLLLLmost finished dialing your number. But I stopped myself. Things just aren’t the same.
And now, TODAY, you release a video for your dizzying song “Call Your Girlfriend”. And it’s just you. In a giant LA warehouse empty of everything but a few spotlights. And directed by frequent creative partner Max Vitali, you begin to sing, and you start to dance in the most expressionistic way. It speaks to me. I get it. You’re begging for things to begin again. You KNOW you’re the “other girl”. You KNOW how hard it is for someone to leave you. You use some pretty sweet dance moves. And you do your best impression of the blue alien opera singer from The Fifth Element. You KNOW how much I love that part. That movie is the shit. The truth is Robyn, I left my girlfriend the moment you moved into town. All you had to do was ask. Change out of that sweater and let’s talk.
(The Body Talk LP is available now from Konichiwa Records)